Dallas Deconstructed pt 3

Whenever I looks for music about places that I love I find songs about how much they suck. I actually like these more than songs about how great they might be. Nothing saccharin to be found in this track about your car breaking down four hours from home in Indianapolis, Indiana.

- - now to part 2 of my series on how Dallas went wrong - -

All of this led to me feeling the depression again. I did my best to be perky and excited to be there at work, but it was exhausting. When Cara and I were together in the spring I was directing Without Troy the biggest project I had ever worked on. I was at the top of my game and filled with all the confidence in the world. All of the things that made me an interesting and creatively fulfilled person had disappeared in my newfound situation. I was a commanding leader and now I relied on everyone for everything. I was an inconvenience and a burden on those around me. It was demoralizing just to be seen this way.

After going home for Thanksgiving I realized that all of the suffering I’ve been going through has largely been self inflicted. I could just as easily go back home and it wouldn’t be a defeat like I thought it would be. I wouldn’t have a steady job their either but searching there isn’t worse than searching everywhere else I’ve been. I’m happy to know that a lot of people want me to come home. People miss me.

By the time this is posted (yes I typed these out early and broke them up for the purpose of making more posts) I’ll be home. The people I talked to about going home all scoffed at the idea of missing Indiana but after reading my story I hope you understand why I miss it so much.

Dallas Deconstructed pt.2

A lot of songs about Indiana are about prison. Something about being a hotbed for gangsters like John Dillinger will do that. Truth be told he spent about as much time in Wisconsin. He only seemed to be in Indiana when he was forced to be.  Lyle Lovett’s Up In Indiana is no exception to this rule.

- - now to part 2 of my series on how Dallas went wrong - -

Jeff helped me secure an internship with AMS. I was told that an assistant editor would be leaving December 9th and that someone would be needed to replace him. I would be that someone. I spent time at AMS doing all sorts of production odds and ends. My favorite was sorting a giant pile of fake money into stacks of fake money. I was on set for a few shoots and cut together a few minor projects to show off my skills.

My plan then was to get the job, get my own place with Jeff, and eventually see if Cara and I could still make a relationship work. Every part of this plan would fall apart in front of me. Despite the work I was doing at AMS the prospect of employment was getting more and more nebulous. I did my best there, but it didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. The timeline for the apartment was slipping as my mid November move-in became a mid-December. This directly led to me spending far longer on Cara's couch than I ever intended. Which, in-turn, strained our friendship.

Dallas Deconstructed pt.1

To understand what happened in Dallas you need to know how I got here. You need to know what was happening to me in Los Angeles. Listen to this song while reading. It's much more upbeat than my text.

Thank you Jackson 5 for setting the tone. When I was in California, after Tom left, I battled with a bout of depression. I was getting nowhere in my job search and I was feeling lonelier and more disconnected as time went on. At the same time my friend Jeff had found success at AMS Pictures in Dallas and encouraged me to come out and move in with him. He had been living with family and was looking for an apartment and a roommate. Until the apartment came through I would need a place to stay.

A month prior to this, after an interview that went well, I had the confidence to call Cara. Cara and I had dated in the spring but when I moved to California she stopped talking to me. She in the meantime had also moved to Dallas to go to grad school for singing. She's an amazing singer, that's one of the things I've always liked about her. In time I told her of the situation with Jeff. She offered to let me stay on her couch until the apartment with Jeff came together. We thought that would be about two weeks.

See you tomorrow for part 2.

Indiana Wants Me

Indiana wants me and I am going back there. It doesn’t fit, but still, that's the song that is always stuck in my head when I think of going home. I also had at least a half dozen songs written directly about how much the singer hates California in my head as I drove there. That worked out didn’t it? Tomorrow morning I'm leaving Dallas behind. I'll miss Jeff and Cara for sure and I'll always wonder if I could have made it work if I had only stayed longer, but this is what I need to do now. I figure I’ll miss Dallas in the same way I miss LA. I don’t miss what I had while I was there, I miss what I never got to do. LA and Dallas are great places if you do them right. I suppose that I  haven't posted much about my time in Dallas in this space. As such, I’m going to post a post-mortem on my time here. Beginning tomorrow: a three part series on Dallas and where I went wrong. Stay tuned.

Announcement

Announcement: I'm moving back to Indiana next week.

Thanksgiving

I'm thankful that I get to go home for Thanksgiving. I haven't been in Indiana since June so you can understand how I miss it so much. Sorry I haven't posted here much. I'm in a turbulent time in my life so I haven't been the artist I want to be. I hate to post about my emotions (this isn't a live journal this is an art blog!) so I clam up during hard times.

I've been interning at AMS Pictures and I'd tell you all about it except I signed and NDA so it's a secret. It's a great place and if this results in a job I'll be living here in Dallas for a nice long while. If it doesn't then I guess it's time to move back to Indianapolis.

I guess it's time to post my LATE Halloween pictures now.


It's also prudent that I finally post my (not as late but yes they are) photos from the Whispering Pines excursion. They're pretty neat.


Moving to Dallas hasn't been easy. I've had to rely on people more than I'm comfortable with and give up a measure of my own personal freedom. I'm grateful for opportunities I've been given here but I'd give it all up to have control again.

Dallas Is On

We made it. After all the trouble in the world, we made it. So far, Dallas is a great city. I can't wait to see Cara and Jeff. Naturally, I have to wait. That is what tomorrow is for.

Today's biggest ordeal was the mystery of my lost Phone. In truth, it was lodged in a crack under the passenger seat, stuck on silent, (or "sounds off activated" as Verizon insists) the whole time. Convinced that it had been lost at a rest stop two-hundred miles back, I deactivated the phone. Then, as I was filing an insurance claim to get a new phone, (that would arrive as soon as Tuesday) my always amazing mom found the phone. Of course it was in a place that I had thoroughly checked.

Other events of note:
Avoiding the President George Bush Turnpike for entirely political reasons. (also it was a toll road)

Reading Al Franken's Lies (And the Lying Liars Who Tell Them) while on the road.

Starting Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation by Lynne Truss not long after that.

Letting the GPS take us to the middle of nowhere because it's a shorter distance if we don't use the interstate.

That leading us to Pecos, TX on high school football night.

That leading us to seeing a 16 year-old screw up while filling her SUV up and spilling a gallon of gas everywhere. I thought she was going to set everything on fire.

Seeing this guy's picture in our first hotel room back in Arizona.

Dallas TX

This has been a long time coming; probably since Tom moved out a few months ago. I'm moving to Dallas, TX. A couple really great friends, the best I have, are helping me stay there. My mom, wonderful lady that she is, is flying to into LA tomorrow to help me make the 20+ hour drive to the lone star state. We're leaving Thursday and we'll be in Dallas on Friday night. I'll post some things on Twitter from the road if you follow.

I've been given some big opportunities in Dallas that I have to take advantage of. Please, don't think that I'm giving up on the dream by leaving Hollywood behind. Truth is, I stopped dreaming of Hollywood a long time ago. Maybe what I'm looking for is in Dallas. We'll see.