Friday, December 11, 2009

Dallas Deconstructed pt 3

Whenever I looks for music about places that I love I find songs about how much they suck. I actually like these more than songs about how great they might be. Nothing saccharin to be found in this track about your car breaking down four hours from home in Indianapolis, Indiana.

- - now to part 2 of my series on how Dallas went wrong - -

All of this led to me feeling the depression again. I did my best to be perky and excited to be there at work, but it was exhausting. When Cara and I were together in the spring I was directing Without Troy the biggest project I had ever worked on. I was at the top of my game and filled with all the confidence in the world. All of the things that made me an interesting and creatively fulfilled person had disappeared in my newfound situation. I was a commanding leader and now I relied on everyone for everything. I was an inconvenience and a burden on those around me. It was demoralizing just to be seen this way.

After going home for Thanksgiving I realized that all of the suffering I’ve been going through has largely been self inflicted. I could just as easily go back home and it wouldn’t be a defeat like I thought it would be. I wouldn’t have a steady job their either but searching there isn’t worse than searching everywhere else I’ve been. I’m happy to know that a lot of people want me to come home. People miss me.

By the time this is posted (yes I typed these out early and broke them up for the purpose of making more posts) I’ll be home. The people I talked to about going home all scoffed at the idea of missing Indiana but after reading my story I hope you understand why I miss it so much.